The Words You Say   

          I didn’t know how long I could last without telling him.  He was usually so close to me and we never hid anything from each other.  But lately he has been avoiding me.  I didn’t know if this has anything to do with us being on tour or the fact that mom died, but it worried me.

          You walked into the kitchen this morning and didn’t say a word to us.  Paul asked me what was up with you; I said I didn’t know.  I don’t know anything these days.  You were my twin; we used to be so close, now I don’t even know you.

          I fell into bed that night; you were still on my mind.  A dark shape filled the doorway; I could smell your shampoo from where I was.  I bet you thought I was asleep; I wasn’t moving, was I?  No, I was fuming.  Your silence made me mad, what was it that was so important that you couldn’t even tell your brother, your twin.

          I heard you sigh; being the asshole you were, not even talking to me, and walk back to your room.  I was upset, I was angry, but I won’t let you take me to the end of my rope, while you burn it and torture my soul. 

          I was still awake when you went to the bathroom two hours later.  Sleep was against me tonight.  I don’t know why because I was dead tired. You were walking kind of slow, bumping into walls and stuff, something was wrong.  I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom.

          The light was off but I could see you sitting on the side of the bathtub with your head in your hands.  Without bothering turning on the light, I sat beside you.  You leaned against me.

          “Now is a good of time as any, what’s bothering you?” I asked, running my through your hair.

          “Its nothing” you replied, your voice was quivering.

          “Yeah, right.  Come on, tell me” I whined, loving every minute of this.

          “Its just… Benji, I love you.” You blurted.

          I remained quiet for a minute, trying to get it straight; you avoided me because you liked me, while I, who was also in love with you, tried to get closer?  I guess twins are different, even if they are identical. 

          I lifted your chin in my hand and pressed my lips against yours, “love you too, Joel” I murmured.